Me at the Beginning of Life
I have understood now that life is a beautiful flower of creation. Whether my own life falls within my definition of life, well, I do not know. When my heart wept I survived, because inside the pain laughter was restless each moment. When I say that somehow or other I survived a burdensome life, few will believe me now. The truth is extremely bitter, the reality equally Insipid. Many times, while turning those pages of memory I myself have shed tears. Such unlucky lines of fate were inscribed for me when I fell to the ground from my mother's womb.
On the sixth day after my birth, my mother bathed me and washed me and made me clean, and put me to sleep with an exercise book and a pen under my pillow. It was a folk belief that fortune would write my line of fate on that night. Mother, you wanted fortune to draw a good line of fate right across my brow. But that was just your belief. Yes, fortune did not draw my line of karma well that night, nor did it write a good line of fate.
Time had filled my pockets with packages of ill fortune. I was a girl who had been robbed by fate, who had neither the sweetness nor the joy of life. So how could life be as I had imagined? In the end I had to live, and so I did. But I lived as if there was no difference between the life of an animal and the life of a human being. The only difference was that even though I lived an animal's life, I ate rice, that was all. A life without the invisible sympathies and sensations of the human heart, which has no hurt, no colour, no individuality: perhaps only a very few people get through this condition. A poet might want to write a beautiful poem about escaping from this kind of life, some sensitive person might like this story. But at that time my life was such a burden that it hurt me, and it had become hard to endure the pain.
In everyone's eyes I was someone who had been cursed by the gods, because in this life I had received the fruit of sins from a former life. I had been born into a society whose culture said that people lived from one birth to another. So I was a thorn that pricked everyone's When they saw me, those eyes did not fill with sympathy and that heart never melted with love. Who were very displeased with eyes. me, who were very angry. In the end, how right was it for them to be like this to a tender, innocent child? I had no option but to endure all of those things in silence. Inside my child heart, the question continually arose, 'How am I to blame for all of this?' I had no medium through which to express this, no language, no way of indicating through gestures, no power to utter it. I had life, and that was all, and the little breath that was tangled up with it. How suffocating was my life? There was no exit from it anywhere. If there had been any way out, a river of life would have flowed unceasingly along with time.
Blessed Nature! You gave birth to me to endure the cruel behaviour of human beings and you awoke the meaning of being me. When I was restless with suffering you became my mother and wiped the tears that seeped from my eyes. The mother who bore me also gave birth to me, even though it was to suffer pain, she fostered me for nine or ten months in her womb and gave birth to me. In this neither she nor I was at fault. It was the fault of fate. Is the definition of disability merely to be born with a bodily incapacity? If so, why do they not consider Homer incomplete? Why did the world never consider the Nikolai Otrovskys, the Helen Kellers incomplete? These people were weak in body, just like me. But they wrote history before they departed, they left us a different perspective, they set down the meaning of being human before they passed away.
But me? I was born in a world very different from theirs, born in a different geography. For this reason, I lived a life that was so unequal and low grade that maybe only an animal could have lived such a life before. When I achieved awareness, the shoots of consciousness had begun to sprout in me, I think. But even achieving awareness became like a curse. I did not have a voice with which to speak, nor any strength in my legs to walk. Nor was there strength in my hands that I could fill a basket with godavari, makhmali and sunakhari flowers. No, I had nothing of this at all. I was a helpless girl bereft of all these things, whose mind was filled with a longing to run on the hills, but whose feet did not have the strength to support her body. I longed to talk with others, but I had no voice! Because these desires were ones that would never be fulfilled, they fell upon me, wounded.
Yes, I was so robbed by fate that I was unable to even get up from my bed. My poor grandmother, white-haired like the moon over the hill. might have picked me up and taken me on her lap. How she must have longed that her son's first offspring would call her 'grandmother' in its baby voice, that it would pull at the wrinkles on her face with its little hands. But grandmother, I could not fulfil your wishes. Your other grandchildren fulfilled them. All I did was hurt you when you carried me on your back, how you must have loved me, no?
At that time the economic condition of our home was not so good, to the extent that it was very hard to manage two meals a day, morning and evening. I have heard that mother and father often went hungry at mealtimes, but somehow or other they fed us. Grandmother, even that was not enough for you, you fed me and made me greedy even though you went without food yourself. And on top of that, you took me to sleep with you and you gave me many different things to eat every time I woke up, all through the night. Aha, how good it tasted, the food you gave me!
Grandmother, if you had not wrapped me in a torn-up petticoat and put me in a bamboo basket I might still have been peeing and soiling in my bed today, or I may have already arrived with you in the heaven that people imagine. I don't know. But because of you I touched the various colours of life and understood life from various angles, and experienced the beauty of life myself. Grandmother, you are not with me now, that is your misfortune. But you are still living all through my heart and mind.
-Jhamak Ghimire (The opening chapter of Jivan Kanda Ki Phul, translated by Michael Hutt)
A. Find the words from the text that have the following meanings.
a. .....Insipid ....lacking taste |
b. .....Inscribed .....wrote words |
c. ....Tangled .....twisted together |
d. ....Suffocating ..........causing difficulty in breathing |
e. ...Perspective ........a particular attitude towards something |
f. ....Offspring ......a person's child or children |
g. .....Misfortune .....bad luck |
B. Complete the sentences below choosing the correct words from the text.
a. The word ‘calm’ is opposite in meaning to .....'burdensome' |
b. The phrase ....'passed away'.... means 'died.’ |
c. The word ....'invisible'... means incapable of being seen. |
d. The word 'wish' and ...'desire' .. are synonyms. |
e. The word ...'soiling' .... means making dirty. |
C. State whether the following statements are true or false.
a. Jhamak Ghimire defines her life as a beautiful flower of creation. True |
b. According to her, our fortune decides how our life will be. False |
c. The author was happy with how she spent her childhood. False |
d. People blamed Jhamak herself for her physical disability. True |
e. According to the writer, Homer was incomplete because he was physically incapable. False |
f. Jhamak could make grandmother happy with her voice. False |
g. Jhamak's grandmother still looks after her. False |
D. Answer these questions.
a. Why does Jhamak think of her life as burdensome life? |
Answer: Jhamak thinks of her life as burdensome because she has faced many difficulties and challenges. |
b. When does fortune draw a line of fate? |
Answer: Fortune is believed to draw a line of fate on the night when a person is bathed, washed, and put to sleep with an exercise book and a pen under their pillow. |
c. How did people respond to her life? Was she happy with their behavior? |
Answer: People responded negatively to her life, blaming her for her physical disability, and she was not happy with their behavior towards her. |
d. Who does Jhamak compare herself with? What made them different from Jhamak? |
Answer: Jhamak compares herself with famous individuals like Homer who were physically weak but achieved great things, highlighting their difference from her. |
e. Did achieving awareness become a curse for her? Why? |
Answer: Yes, achieving awareness became a curse for her because it made her aware of her limitations and unfulfilled desires due to her physical disabilities. |
f. How does Jhamak picture her family's economic condition during her childhood? |
Answer: Jhamak describes her family's economic condition during her childhood as challenging, struggling to manage two meals a day, and her parents often going hungry. |
Word Meaning
Word |
burdensome /ˈbərdənsəm/ |
heavy, oppressive |
Difficult or challenging to bear or endure. |
insipid /ɪnˈsɪpɪd/ |
dull, bland, tasteless |
Lacking flavor, interest, or excitement; dull or boring. |
inscribed /ɪnˈskraɪbd/ |
engraved, written |
Written, engraved, or marked on a surface. |
folk /foʊk/ |
traditional, rural |
Relating to the traditional customs, beliefs, and stories of a community, passed through the generations. |
fortune /ˈfɔːrtʃuːn/ |
luck, fate, destiny |
A chance or luck that affects human affairs; luck or fate. |
karma /ˈkɑːrmə/ |
fate, destiny |
The sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate or destiny in future lives. |
invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəbəl/ |
unseen, hidden |
Unable to be seen; not visible. |
sensations /sɛnˈseɪʃənz/ |
feelings, perceptions |
Physical or emotional feelings that arise from the senses or internal stimuli. |
endure /ɪnˈdʊr/ |
bear, tolerate |
To suffer or tolerate something difficult, painful, or unpleasant over a period of time. |
tender /ˈtɛndər/ |
gentle, caring |
Showing gentleness, kindness, and affection. |
tangled /ˈtæŋɡəld/ |
twisted, knotted |
Twisted or knotted together in a messy or confused manner. |
suffocating /ˈsʌfəˌkeɪtɪŋ/ |
smothering, stifling |
Making one feel trapped, oppressed, or unable to breathe. |
seeped /sipt/ |
leaked, dripped |
To flow or pass gradually through small openings or pores. |
bore /bɔːr/ |
carried, gave birth to |
To carry, deliver, or give birth to (a child). |
fostered /ˈfɔːstərd/ |
nurtured, encouraged |
To encourage or promote the development or growth of (a feeling, idea, or talent). |
merely /ˈmɪrli/ |
only, just |
Just; only. |
perspective /pərˈspɛktɪv/ |
viewpoint, outlook |
A particular way of viewing or understanding a situation or concept. |
consciousness /ˈkɑːnʃəsnəs/ |
awareness, perception |
The state of being aware and able to perceive one's surroundings, thoughts, and emotions. |
sprout /spraʊt/ |
grow, emerge |
To begin to grow or develop. |
bereft /bɪˈrɛft/ |
deprived, lacking |
Deprived or lacking something, especially a nonmaterial asset. |
longed /lɔŋd/ |
desired, yearned for |
Had a strong desire or yearning for something. |
offspring /ˈɔːfˌsprɪŋ/ |
child, progeny |
A person's child or children. |
peeing /piː/ |
urinating |
To expel urine from the body. |
soiling /ˈsɔɪlɪŋ/ |
dirtying, staining |
Making something dirty or stained. |
misfortune /mɪsˈfɔːrtʃuːn/ |
adversity, hardship |
Bad luck or an unfortunate event or circumstance. |
Extra Questions to Practice
Expandable FAQ Section
What does Jhamak Ghimire compare life to?
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Jhamak Ghimire compares life to a beautiful flower of creation.
What kept Jhamak going during painful moments?
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Laughter was restless and kept Jhamak going during painful moments.
How did Jhamak feel when she looked back at her past memories?
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Jhamak often shed tears when she turned the pages of her past memories.
What did Jhamak's mother do on the sixth day after her birth?
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On the sixth day after Jhamak's birth, her mother performed a ritual with an exercise book and a pen.
Why did Jhamak's mother do this ritual with the exercise book and pen?
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Jhamak's mother performed the ritual with the exercise book and pen because it was believed to shape her line of fate.
What did people think of Jhamak in society?
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People thought Jhamak had been cursed by the gods and viewed her as a burden.
How did people respond to Jhamak when they saw her?
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People responded with displeasure and anger when they saw Jhamak.
What did Jhamak have in her life besides the little breath?
▼
Jhamak had life and the little breath that was tangled up with it.
How did Jhamak feel about her grandmother's unconditional love and care?
▼
Jhamak felt blessed and grateful for her grandmother's love and care.
How did Jhamak describe her family's economic condition during her childhood?
▼
Jhamak described her family's economic condition during her childhood as extremely poor.
What role did Jhamak's grandmother play in her life?
▼
Jhamak's grandmother played a significant role in providing love, support, and care throughout her life.
Why did Jhamak feel that life was burdensome?
▼
Jhamak felt life was burdensome because she had physical limitations and faced discrimination from society.
What did Jhamak's mother do with the exercise book and pen under her pillow?
▼
Jhamak's mother placed an exercise book and pen under her pillow as a ritual for fortune to draw her line of fate.
How did people respond to Jhamak's life and physical condition?
▼
People blamed Jhamak for her physical disability and treated her with displeasure and anger.
Whom did Jhamak compare herself with, and what made them different?
▼
Jhamak compared herself to individuals like Homer and Helen Keller, who, despite physical disabilities, achieved greatness through their talents and contributions.
How did Jhamak describe her family's economic condition during her childhood?
▼
Jhamak described her family's economic condition as very poor, struggling to manage two meals a day.
What role did Jhamak's grandmother play in her life?
▼
Jhamak's grandmother showed her love and cared for her, but she could not fulfill her wishes due to Jhamak's physical condition.
How did Jhamak's grandmother nurture her as a baby?
▼
Jhamak's grandmother fed her throughout the night, providing different foods and taking care of her needs.
Why did Jhamak mention the torn-up petticoat and bamboo basket?
▼
Jhamak mentioned them as symbols of her humble beginnings and how her grandmother took care of her despite their challenging circumstances.
How did Jhamak's grandmother's love and care impact her?
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Jhamak's grandmother's love and care gave her a sense of belonging, happiness, and gratitude, leaving a lasting impression on her heart and mind.